Six Best Sex Therapy Books in 2024: Book Recommendations from a Sex Therapist in Denver
I recommend my favorite sex therapy books of 2024. Yes, sex therapy books can actually help improve your sex life! As a certified sex therapist, I recommend sex therapy books to my sex therapy clients in Denver, CO all the time! This post covers which sex therapy books I am reading in 2024 and some tried and true sex therapy books that I have returned to many times in my decade long career as a sex therapist and educator. Happy reading < 3
What is Sex Therapy?
Sex therapy is a specialized form of psychotherapy that addresses and resolves issues related to sexuality and sexual functioning. It is a collaborative process between the therapist and the individual or couple, aimed at improving sexual well-being, intimacy, and overall quality of life. Whether you’re dealing with low libido, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or sexual pain, sex therapy can help you overcome a wide range of sexual challenges.
Sex therapists are trained professionals with expertise in sexuality. They work closely with individuals and couples to identify the underlying causes of their sexual concerns and develop personalized strategies for improvement. Treatment can be conducted individually or in conjunction with other forms of therapy, such as couples therapy or counseling. By addressing both the emotional and physical aspects of sexual health, sex therapy offers a holistic approach to enhancing your sex life.
The fundamentals of sex therapy and its role in addressing sexual issues.
Sex therapy is grounded in the belief that sexual health is a vital component of overall well-being. It acknowledges that sexual issues can significantly impact an individual’s quality of life, relationships, and self-esteem. In therapy, you’ll find a safe, non-judgmental space to explore your sexual concerns and work towards positive change.
Sex therapists employ a variety of techniques and approaches to help individuals and couples overcome their sexual challenges. These may include:
Education and Information: Providing knowledge about sexuality and sexual health.
Communication Skills Training: Enhancing intimacy and connection through better communication.
Behavioral Exercises: Techniques to boost sexual pleasure and satisfaction.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: Addressing negative thought patterns and emotions.
Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Reducing stress and anxiety related to sexual concerns.
By addressing the physical, emotional, and psychological aspects of sexual health you can achieve a more fulfilling and satisfying relationships.
Benefits of Sex Therapy Books
Books can be a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their sexual well-being. These books offer a comprehensive guide to sexuality, sexual health, and relationships. They provide practical advice and strategies for overcoming common sexual challenges, making them an excellent complement to therapy or a standalone resource for personal growth.
Exploring how sex therapy books can complement therapy and enhance personal growth.
Therapy books can be used alongside therapy or as standalone resources to foster personal growth and development. They offer a safe and supportive environment for individuals to explore their sexual concerns and work towards positive change. Some of the benefits include:
Increased Knowledge: Gain a deeper understanding of human sexuality and sexual health.
Improved Communication: Learn skills to enhance intimacy and connection.
Enhanced Pleasure: Discover techniques to boost sexual pleasure and satisfaction.
Reduced Anxiety: Find strategies to alleviate stress and anxiety related to sexual concerns.
Boosted Confidence: Build self-esteem and confidence in your sexual life.
Sex Therapy Books
Sex therapy books are not all created equal. If you’re not a therapist, there are some sexology books to stay away from (too technical, too clinical, too much jargon). Sex therapy books often address issues like 'sexual desire' and 'sexual dysfunction'.
My recommendations offer valuable insights and practical advice. Some of the recommendations have evidence-based approaches to make your sex life better. If you want have more sexual satisfaction, these books are a wonderful place to start. Let’s get into it!
Recommended reads for individuals seeking to improve their sexual well-being.
There are many excellent sex therapy books available, each offering unique perspectives and approaches. Here are some recommended reads:
“Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski: A deep dive into the science of female sexuality, debunking myths and offering practical advice. Geared toward women and girls, but relevant to anyone.
“The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld: Insights into male sexuality, addressing common issues and enhancing sexual lives.
“Queer Sex” by Juno Roche: A candid exploration of queer sexual experiences and identities.
“ACE: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex” by Angela Chen: An enlightening look at asexuality and its implications for understanding desire and society.
“Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel: Fresh insights on maintaining intimacy in long-term relationships.
These books are a great resource for anyone looking to improve their sexual well-being and enhance their overall quality of life. Whether you’re seeking to understand your own sexuality better or looking for ways to improve your relationship, these books are a great place to start.
Couples Sex Therapy Books
In a new relationship, situationship, or married? These sex therapy books for couples are worth checking out. These books often focus on enhancing sexual intimacy in relationships.
Sex Therapy Book Recommendation #1: Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection by Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman
Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection, is not just a couples sex therapy book. I recommend this sex therapy book for anyone in a relationship (romantic or platonic).
The Gottman Institute is a renowned research lab, also known as “The Love Lab.” Research from The Love Lab has been critical in understanding the dynamics of relationships.
The Gottmans have even uncovered patterns that reliably predict divorce in couples, woah.
John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman have been researching couples and marriages for more than 40 years.
Fight Right is a practical guide that covers the most important aspects of connecting with your partner. If you are tired of the win-or-lose mentality in your relationship, you’re going to love this book. The book incorporates principles of systemic sex therapy to address complex sexual issues within therapeutic settings.
Pro tip: Skip ahead to page 187 for a “repair checklist.” It’s a great cheat sheet for what to do when you need to calm down or apologize in a conflict. This simple advice may seem, well, simple, but that’s what makes it great.
A good sex therapy book for couples offers simple, effective exercises that actually work. There is even a Fight Right “quick guide” on page 308 that walks you through relational conflict.
Sex Therapy Book Recommendation #2: Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
Published in 2006, this best-selling sex therapy book is required reading at Widener University’s Center for Human Sexuality Studies (my alma mater). This is a sex therapy book for married couples, and just about anyone else. Mating in Captivity is a sex therapy book for married couples that I have returned to many, many times.
What I love about this book for married couples
"Mating in Captivity" gives fresh insights on keeping desire alive in long-term relationships. It challenges traditional views on intimacy in marriages, urging couples to seek new ways to connect and ignite passion.
If you are looking for a book for married couples who are in a sexual slump, this one is for you!
Mating in Captivity is great for married couples because it addresses rekindling intimacy. Perel offers ways to reconnect emotionally and sexually with your partner. Hooray!
Perel highlights the benefits of autonomy in a long term relationship. She underscores the significance of maintaining individual identities within a relationship. Advocating for personal growth is key. It boosts attraction and desire. Look beyond the relationship for fulfillment.
This book for married couples addresses conflict head on
Perel doesn't shy away from the hard stuff. From infidelity to eroticism, she wants married couples to confront conflict in a constructive way. I really like how this book promotes open communication. It's crucial for sexual satisfaction in any relationship. The book prompts you to have meaningful conversations about needs, desires, and fears. This dialogue fosters empathy and intimacy between partners. Try it!
I recommend pairing sex therapy books with sex therapy
If you're concerned about your sex life as a couple, this book can truly transform it. I suggest pairing it with therapy. I'm a therapist after all! Combining books with individual or couples therapy works best. This book is a good step in addressing sexual issues.
If you're seeking help with sex and relationships, try Fight Right and Mating in Captivity.
Books for Smashing the Patriarchy
Recommendation #3: Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski
I highly recommend this text. I truly cannot stress enough how much I love this book. I repeat, read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski.
This book is critical and foundational to understanding the science of sex.
This book explores the science of female sexuality. It debunks myths and gives practical advice for improving sexual experiences. It covers desire, arousal, and orgasm. It offers insights for people and couples. Want better sex? Read this one.
Come As You are is one of those texts that I have returned to so many times.
I love it because it provides practical advice in plain language.
It's scientific for sure, but there is not a lot of therapy jargon, and I love that. For my clients, Come As You Are, is a digestible and valuable tool. It's a book that I recommend for therapy clients who want sex therapy exercises to do at home.
I love that this text is also relevant to people of any gender. Nagoski is aware that scientific research is focused on a narrow group of people. She talks about the realities and limitations of the current research. She also discusses basic principles that translate to anybody and any body.
Regardless of your gender, relationship status, or current relationship with sex, this one is worth reading.
Recommendation #4: Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good by adrienne maree brown
Pleasure Activism doesn't aim to "smash" the patriarchy in the traditional sense. This book is not about confrontation or destruction. It's about pleasure and self-care *swoon.* adrienne maree brown offers a perspective that challenges patriarchal norms and structures by promoting individual and collective liberation through pleasure and self-care. Let me repeat that:
Promoting individual and collective liberation through pleasure and self-care.
This is what it's all about, folx. It's very social work-y, and I'm a social worker. Are you down with liberation through pleasure and self-care? We should meet.
When working with me, you will quickly learn that pleasure is paramount. Pleasure doesn't have to be sexual and adrienne understands that. I work with my clients on expanding their ideas of pleasure often. In fact, I cannot think of a single client I have worked with who has not benefitted from prioritizing pleasure in their life.
This text includes essays and conversations from brown and other pleasure activists. It's the most fun book on this list. It's is about so much more than sex and I highly recommended it.
I highly recommend reading it. Luxuriate in this one, ya'll.
My favorite sex therapy topics covered in this sex therapy book for smashing the patriarchy:
casual sex
sex majik
confessions of a queer sex goddess
Beyoncé Giselle Knowles Carter (yes, there is an entire section on Beyoncé. Just get the damn book)
Books for Sexual Trauma
If you are working toward healing sexual trauma, I see you.
Healing from trauma can be difficult. Texts can be a useful tool in better understanding your experience. These books often cover topics like sex addiction and chronic brain disorder, providing insights into the neurobiological underpinnings of various mental health issues.
Again, books are one tool that can be supportive in healing sexual trauma.
Sex Therapy Book Recommendation #5: The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz
Maltz is a sex therapist and social worker. She emphasizes self-discovery and self-compassion. As a sex therapist and social worker, I also emphasize self-discovery and self-compassion. If you are healing from sexual trauma, I would love to support you.
This is a complete guide for healing. Maltz urges readers to stay safe while using this book. Safety is incredibly important to me as a sex therapist. This text includes exercises, journal prompts, and therapy like support. It also serves as a clinician's guide to supporting clients.
I recommend pairing books with sex therapy for the most effective treatment
This book offers advice and covers trust, intimacy, boundaries, and communication after trauma. Maltz offers tools for better relationships and self-worth.
The author understands that trauma experiences differ and she respects individual uniqueness. This book is not have a one size fits all approach, and I appreciate that. The book considers the intersections of race, gender, and sexual orientation. The guidance in this books suits everyone, which is why I recommend The Sexual Healing Journey.
Healing is hard. You don't have to do it alone.
Sex Therapy Book Recommendation #6: See recommendation #3
Yeah, it's that good. Do yourself a favor and read this foundational sex therapy text. You won't regret it.
For those who have experienced sexual trauma, it can be helpful to understand sexual response. Nagoski talks about sexual response in terms of “the brakes” and “the accelerator.”
She acknowledges that survivors may have heightened sensitivity to certain triggers, which can act as brakes on sexual arousal and pleasure.
This sex therapy book offers strategies for managing triggers.
It addresses barriers to sex and pleasure and helps readers reclaim a sense of control over their sexual experiences.
What if these books don’t address the sexual problem I am having?
If this list does not address the sexual difficulties you are having, don't worry!
There are so many books out there, it can be difficult to know which one is going to be most helpful to you and your situation. Asking your local librarian for a recommendation may not be comfortable for everybody, so I'll let you ask me.
If you are looking for a specific sex therapy book and are not sure where else to look, send me an email!
I would be glad to point you in the right direction of a book that can benefit you.
When should I seek therapy?
If you have read a few sex therapy books and still feel like your concerns, curiosities, or questions have not been addressed, you may want to consider seeking sex therapy.
Sex therapy books are a great place to have straightforward questions addressed. They are a great place to educate yourself about a specific sexual problem or idea. However, sex therapy books cannot provide the clinical experience that what trained therapist can.
Working with a sex therapist is much more personalized and in depth. We're here to help you tackle any sexual issue.
If you're in Colorado and facing sexual issues, consider sex therapy. I would be glad to help you.
Don’t live in Colorado but still want support from a licensed sex therapist? Check out these resources to get started.
